Romantic Relationships/Marriage (see below for books, resources, letters)
Many of us dream of meeting that special someone who will love us just as
we are, magically and wonderfully make us complete in every way and then stay
with us for the rest of our lives.
It is perfectly possible to meet someone who will share your life, walking alongside you in friendship and love. What is unrealistic is to expect that someone to fulfill all functions in your life according to your idea of what those should be.
Sometimes we seem to want to own that other person and control what goes on in the relationship and that can stifle and kill the love that was naturally growing and developing.
Each person has their own life story, their own wishes, hopes and dreams some of which you will be totally unaware of even if you have known them a long time. We all have a habit of assuming we know what goes on in the other persons mind and also what is best for them. This is not true. Likewise do not assume that the other person knows what you need to hear or receive from them. Many marital breakdowns are due to a simple lack of effective communication and yet the couple have been living together for many years. We are all growing and changing year by year so take time out to evaluate what you want at this stage in your life and if with a full time partner talk about their changing needs too.
If you are looking for "that special someone" take some time to think about
the qualities of the kind of person you are looking for, write these down.
Now look at the list are you sure these are qualities you want. For
example ladies if you say you want a successful business man or powerful
man....think about it, if he was this person then he probably works long hours
and may not have time for you apart from holidays and odd weekends, his work
may come first. Gentlemen if you are looking for a home maker who will
want to stay home and have several children - do not pursue a young lady
climbing the international career ladder (unless you are prepared to wait for
the time when she is ready to change priorities or you are prepared to do the
"homemaker" bit).
Once you have your list then you need to realize that generally like attracts like. If you want a sporty, outdoors man/woman then you will need to be like that in order to fit who they want to spend time with. You will not meet someone like that whilst you sit home watching soaps on TV. A family type will want to have a family and want you involved with their family. So you need to develop the qualities you are looking for in the other e.g gentle people are not attracted to violent types unless they have experienced abuse in earlier years.
It is amazing how many people say they want a relationship but if you look at their lives they do not seem to have room or time for one. Make space for that someone special.
If you have experienced a series of relationships that have ended badly and you see a pattern then STOP and get to the root of that before entering another relationship. We all like to believe it is the other person who is at fault, sick or dysfunctional, but I can assure you if you attracted them into your life then they are a reflection of your own beliefs or experiences e.g "women cannot be trusted", "all men are bastards" "once someone really gets to know me they leave" etc. That is why clearing out "your stuff" is again so key to healthy relationships.
Would you like to come on a course to clear out your "STUFF"? Click on the
link for our course details.
A Useful E-Book -
for you ladies who would like to brush up your
relationship skills here is an excellent e-book that gives you great tips and
guidance on all aspects of dating, flirting, keeping an existing relationship
alive etc. Don't let the title put you off but be aware that this is not the
kind of advice your mother gives you - Seduction Genie - Click Here!
We are all wonderful, beautiful human beings but we also need to remember that men and women are different and keep our sense of humour. The Rules according to MEN (just for fun)
Read some of the letters I have received and the answers given on this topic below:
"Why are relationships so difficult?".....
My girlfriend is desperate for a baby but I feel unwilling to proceed".....
"I don't want to be a "doormat wife" anymore.....
"I just want someone to love"...
"How do I handle my husbands arguments?"...
"Are there any decent men out there?"
"I keep thinking he will leave me again"
"I left my husband and two children...."
"Can you have a relationship and still develop your spirituality?
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