Parents

Many of us have this image of an ideal family with an abundance of love readily expressed and felt in a warm family home. The reality can be very different.

If you have an issue with either of your parents remember that they were a product of their childhood upbringing. It is very hard to be a loving parent if you were not loved as a child or did not see love expressed within the family.

If you have the opportunity to talk with your parents ask them about their childhood (remember to keep this conversation open and non-judgmental) you may find that it gives you a great deal of insight and you may gain a new perspective on them and your own childhood.

In my workshops we cover how the effects of our parents and the messages we learned as we grew up impact our adult lives and in particular relationships. This occurs until we learn new ways and reassess what we learned growing up. Whilst I advocate "dealing with your stuff" and clearing out any old hurts, anger, resentment or any other emotions that you may be holding with regard to your parents I do not support confronting them with issues. Whilst you may have been working on your "stuff" they may not have been working on theirs and may have no idea what you are talking about. If one or both of your parents have violent tendencies then any sort of confrontation will be a risk.

Once you have done the clearing, releasing and healing work necessary on yourself you will find that all your relationships change around you and confrontation is not required or desirable.

The Inner Child and Healing Old Wounds

Working with your own inner child can assist the process of healing from that longing for parental approval, attention or love. No matter what our age, inside we all have a little child. This little person can hold the key to why you feel the way you do about things, and you become aware of their presence sometimes when you feel sad or a seemingly "irrational" fear shows itself and you find yourself behaving or reacting in an extreme way to something ,or someone for no apparent reason. Using various techniques you can get back in touch with your little person and heal any old hurts or traumas you may have experienced. Meditation and visualisation are great for this as well as non-dominant hand drawing as described in the above book.

Grief When Parents Die (becoming an adult orphan) can throw up all sorts of issues and emotions take a look here for more on this.

More on the relationship with your Father

More on the relationship with your Mother

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