Where Were You When I needed You Dad?

 

 We most often talk about our mothers when we discuss our childhood but fathers get left outside of the conversation with short comments like..."he was not around much when I grew up"..."he left before/just after I was born".  Even if they were around they are quite often viewed or experienced as emotionally distant.  It is really interesting that even if they did not feature much in the parenting role their approval is sought and a longing felt for their presence or attention.  Even when someone has been abused there is a wound that never seems to heal over the father not protecting or caring for them.  It makes no difference if you are male or female the need is the same.  Longing for something that never was and never will be is so debilitating and brings great sadness even depression.

A lot of us have this image of an ideal family with an abundance of love readily expressed and felt in a warm family home.  relationships of all kinds are a challenge as people grow and learn and live.  Any group of individuals will experience stresses and strains no matter how much they may love each other. In dysfunctional families this however can become highly exaggerated, especially if it is denied.

If you have an issue with either of your parents remember that they were a product of their childhood upbringing.  It is very hard to be a loving parent if you were not loved as a child or did not see love expressed within the family.  If you have the opportunity to talk with your parents ask them about their childhood (remember to keep this conversation open and non-judgmental) you may find that it gives you a great deal of insight and you may gain a new perspective on them and your own childhood.

In my workshops we cover the effects our parents and the messages we learned as we grew up impact our adult lives and in particular relationships, until we learn new ways and reassess what we learned growing up. 

 

Grief When Parents Die (becoming an adult orphan) can throw up all sorts of issues and emotions take a look here for more on this.

Letter re: Father

 

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