I left my husband and two children...
Dear Gillian,
15 months
ago I left my husband and 2 children. My husband was a workaholic and I
worked full time. My husband discovered he had cancer it scared the life
out of me, we moved house to lesson his load with work but nothing changed
that was 3 years ago . My children got older and I realised that my life
was going by and I was living the stressful life that my husband lived, he
neglected me by coming in late from work etc .
I
decided to do a course in hypnotherapy ,which he did not really like me doing,
this changed my way of thinking and I wanted to leave. I had been having
attention from a man in work and this boosted my ego, then I started seeing an
older man and I am still with this man. .but for the previous year Ii cried
over not being in my home with my children. I ended up in hospital with
meningitis due to the stress. My new partner is a kind, loving,
gentle man who believes in working hard but enjoying life to the full.
In the last year I have done more than I did in the 18years of marriage to my
husband.
Now my
children stay with us as a couple of days a week, our relationship has
changed. ,I no longer live so close to my children, they used to call
whenever they wanted and their friends. I live in an apartment where no
one calls and I feel isolated and miss the community spirit that was at my old
home .
I have
fought the guilt for my girls off as much as I can but hate the disjointed
family
I
do miss the family and sharing the joy of watching the children with someone
who loves them as much as you
My girls
are 16 and 14 they like my new partner but he is not their dad who is a far
more jolly character. I can't move forward, I am financially stuck and
emotionally worn out. I do not like my life as I miss the fun with my
kids but I don't feel lonely any more like I did in my marriage.
I don't
have family support but have few good friends who have been supportive. I am
lucky to be alive as the meningitis was the serious one, but I still do not
feel happy. The story could go on forever and Ii have left things out but I
just needed help.
Dear Sian,
There is
no judgement here as to whether you did the right thing. You talk in your
letter (not all included above) as if you wish to return to your husband and I
think a lot of stress comes from the mental confusion, grief, hurt, guilt and
anguish to do with him and the children.
In my workshops and one to one
sessions I get people to focus completely on themselves. This is something
that we don't often do, especially us mothers. I would like you to take a
weekend out if you can, away from everyone and come and spend a couple of days
on the weekend workshop completely focussing on you, your dreams, hopes and
wishes but more importantly clearing out all the anger, hurt, pain and guilt
that seems to have become a part of your life. Once the clearing has been
done then you can start enjoying your life again and the changes you would
like will come, more importantly you will know what they need to be.
The girls are nearly at the age
when they will be moving on with their own lives, they will always love and
need you but in not quite so intense a way as the past, so this is an ideal
time to do any healing necessary and aid their growing process as much as your
own.
If you find that it is not
possible to come on a workshop, that you do not have the resources etc. then
trust that what you need will come to you. This may be the resources you need
or another teacher, guide or workshop. So relax, it is time for you to have
what you want and deserve in your life. You are a wonderful, loving woman who
has always done the best she can at the time. Life does not have to be a
struggle.
Whatever you decide to do, I am
here for you.
Gillian
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